I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
