yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Found the puke drawer
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
