can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
