i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
