he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
