After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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