Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize