it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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