So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
