Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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