she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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