Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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