She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
