Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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