After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We left the knife in your bed.
NoShamevember. You game?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
