started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
