Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
