Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
