Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
