her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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