what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
