you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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