My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
