Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
