what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
