im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
