I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
