Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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