What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
