i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
