I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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