I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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