The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
