Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
