I need to stop coming to work sober
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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