Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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