I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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