just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
