I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
