He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize