my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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