Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
