I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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