Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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