It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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