Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
