You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
