i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
