There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
