He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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