I just pynch a tree in the face
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
