no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
