Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
