Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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