My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize