I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
