Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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