Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
