The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
They have beer where we have blood.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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