Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
