They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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