I accidentally burped into my bong.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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