I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
