I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
