separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
