There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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