My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize