Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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