that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
