I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
