How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
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