Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
